WHAT IS JEWISH PRAYER? The first thing we have to understand about prayer is that in Judaism there is no such thing. The word “prayer” is derived from a Latin word that means “to beg.” And begging is definitely not what the Jewish understanding of prayer—known as tefillah in Hebrew—is all about. Tefillah is its own unique experience. Prayer as begging is problematic because it suggests some heretical ideas about God. For one, it implies that God changes His mind: “First, God thought this and wanted that, but we pleaded so much, we convinced Him to change His mind.” God doesn’t change His mind. As it is says in the First Book of Samuel, “He is not a man that He should reverse Himself,” and as it says in the Book of Malachi, “I, God, change not.” Prayer as begging implies a lack of trust in God. According to Judaism, whatever happens to us comes from God with love and is always in our best interest. Prayer as begging gives God a bad name. It suggests that He is holding out on us. When we pray for a sick aunt, for example, and she still does not recover, we step up our efforts by getting more people to pray for her. If she continues to be sick, we often organize a gathering at the local synagogue. And if she still does not recover, we send e-mails to everyone we know to get others to pray for her. What are we doing? Are we trying to storm the heavens to force God’s hand? Tefillah, however, does not involve any of these heretical problems because it is not about changing God’s mind or trying to force His hand. The Hebrew verb form “to pray,” l’hitpallel, is reflexive—that is, it is a verb that reflects back to the doer— implying that when we pray we are doing something to ourselves. In fact this is exactly right. In tefillah, we are not trying to change God, we are trying to change ourselves. In tefillah, we talk to God so that we will change. And if we change, then God’s loving blessings can penetrate our lives and affect all manner of other changes. The purpose of tefillah is not to communicate information to God. He already knows what we think and feel. And He always lovingly gives us all that we need. Tefillah is about creating intimacy with God and experiencing a closer connection with Him. And the closer we feel to God, the more we change. The same happens when we confide our personal problems to compassionate friends, family members or counselors. Our goal is not to change them, but to verbalize our concerns in order to gain insight and clarity, so that we can change ourselves. Even if we are simply repeating what we said the day before, our outpouring to a kindred soul creates connection, and we are changed by virtue of the sharing. Speaking to God heightens our faith in Him and deepens our awareness of His loving presence. “I believe because I spoke,” states the Book of Psalms. A closer connection with God influences us and transforms us, and as a result of that transformation, many things are possible that earlier were not.