Our relationship with God is a dance between assertion and surrender. We first learned about the need for this delicate balance from our forefather Avraham. Although Avraham aggressively petitioned against God’s decision to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah, when it came to God’s request to sacrifice his son Yitzchak, Avraham did not utter a word of protest; he silently surrendered. Avraham knew that in the case of the twin sin-cities he needed to assert himself and to actualize the power that God had vested in him. But when it came to following the command to sacrifice his son, Avraham understood that the right response was total submission. This spiritual quest to balance assertion and surrender was passed down from father to son, reaching the perfect measure in our forefather Yaakov. As the Torah describes Yaakov’s conflicts with his brother Esav and his tribulations with his sons, we see how Yaakov prayed yet fought, surrendered yet stood firm, let go and yet aggressively pursued accomplishment. Although with each request of the Amidah, we become more forceful and confident, the time has come to bow—nullify any snake-like self-delusions and protect ourselves against any trace of arrogance. When we began the Amidah, we first bent our knees with the word Baruch, then bowed at Ata and finally stood erect with God’s name, YHVH. But now, as we near the conclusion of our prayer with Modim, we bow without bending our knees. This quick abrupt bow is more suggestive of our urgent need for nullification and surrender. It expresses more than simple humbleness. With each request we felt more comfortable in His presence. However, we now say: “We thank You because You are He.” Although we have been addressing God as “You,” suggesting closeness and familiarity, we now remind ourselves that God is still a “He.” Despite our comfort in God’s presence, we must remember that He is beyond us. We thank God for this paradoxical closeness and distance, because if He were too close we would lose ourselves, and if He were too far we would lose Him. This is the mysterious dynamic of our relationship with God. Just as we start feeling God near to us, He suddenly feels so far, and yet just as soon as we feel God as far, He is revealed as close. The prayer further addresses God as “Rock of our lives, Shield of our salvation.” In other words, “Although You are the Rock upon which we are completely dependent, You are also the Shield that protects us from losing our sense of self.” This, too, is the mystery of our relationship with God. To understand this we must re-examine the different names of God, YHVH and Elohim/Eloheinu. As we saw in Chapter 1, Elohim is the name associated with the attribute of judgment. God judges us because our choices make a Divine difference and He cares about us. The name YHVH indicates that God is the all-encompassing ultimate reality; there is no one else. Because we exist within Him we have no independent existence. However as Elohim, God lovingly shields us from His overwhelming all-encompassing presence, as indicated by the name YHVH, so that we too can have presence and enjoy a relationship with Him. This is what the Psalmist teaches, “YHVH Elohim is like the sun and shield.” In other words, God as YHVH is like the sun, but God as Elohim is like a shield protecting us from the overwhelming radiance of Himself. God, therefore, is not only manifest as YHVH—“our Rock” that we are completely dependent upon, but also as Eloheinu—“our Shield,” protecting and maintaining our valued sense of self. The Hebrew word yesh which is contained in the word yeshuateinu (“our salvation”) is related to the verb “to exist.” In other words, salvation is the sensation of valued personal existence—a feeling of real substance to our being. We matter (pun intended) to God.